Some things I don't understand about pregnancy...

Lots of ranting to follow. Consider yourself warned...

Why Rice Krispies and toast make me sick, but McDonald’s chicken nuggets and fries settle just fine. And all of my pregnancy books tell me to "eat healthy". I say "stuff it". Healthy isn't working right now.

Why I toss and turn all night when I’m physically exhausted and don’t actually start to get restful sleep until my alarm goes off and it’s time to go to work.

Why heartburn is a pregnancy symptom. Is it not miserable enough for one to deal with morning sickness, sleepless nights, inflated chesticles, memory loss, food aversions, pimples and itchy skin? Apparently not.

How 1 small bowl of cereal = 10 cups of puke. You think not? Come to my house around 8:30 a.m. and I'll prove it.

Why the prenatal pill hasn’t been perfected so that one can take it without sickness immediately following. They should have some sort of guarantee on the bottle, “This product 100% guaranteed to cause nausea and bouts of violent puking.”

How the baby is able to float around, blissfully unaware while this is taking place.

Why, at the birth of my child, I will forget all of these things and want to try for another? How could I forget? Ah yes, those blasted hormones.

Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful to be pregnant. I’m even excited to be “Mom”… but this first little bit has been killer (in a bad way). It's like some cruel form of hazing, or maybe it's preparing me for things to come. Either way, it's miserable. I just want to get to the part where I can eat the foods I love, sleep restfully... and enjoy a nice hot (lukewarm) bath without feeling like a buoy at sea. Is that too much to ask?

Let's just try this another day

It is now 10:43 Saturday morning. I should be in traffic school learning how to be a good driver (in Utah of all places), but no. I'm here at home. Totally annoyed at the morning events. After another awful night's sleep, I dragged myself out of bed at 9 am. I ate breakfast - Girl Scout Cookies and Rice Krispies (breakfast of champions) and got ready. I left the house with plenty of time. According to my map, I was headed for a municipal building located at Center St and 300 West in the heart of Provo - about 15 minutes away.

Problem #1... lot and lots of cones on the way. Was there an accident? No. Road Construction? No. Some sort of Provo marathon? Yes! Blocking a lane on every street I had to turn on? YES! That's awesome. No worries, still plenty of time.

Problem #2... I pulled out the trusty map the Provo Court people gave me and went to the intersection where said traffic school was to be held. Guess what? Nothing! The map shows the two cross streets and the building on the corner. The building wasn't there. Just a strip mall of shops and restaurants. I thought maybe I had missed it and circled the block ... for 20 minutes!! Still, no building and nothing resembling the building. Maybe it's underground. Stupid Provo Justice Court and their vague, inaccurate map. Sometimes this place really ticks me off. Since the map was no use, I tried to call the numbers listed on the ticket. Still no help. It's Saturday, they're closed and don't include driving directions on their machine for those of us trying to attend traffic school on a Saturday morning.

I gave up on traffic school and figured I could salvage the drive in by accomplishing one of my other errands. Costco? Still not open. Target? The list is at home and I can't remember what was on it. I tried to think of something useful I could do. Anything. Then it came to me. Go home and take a nap. Yes, I will do that immediately! If nothing else, maybe this will take some of my cranky away so Alex doesn't have to deal with a psychotic wife (at least for today). Sleep does wonders for my mood... we'll see if it works this time.

Speaking of Alex. Sometimes he really cracks me up. When we first got married I teased him a lot about his instant streaming from brain to mouth. He really should have been equipped with a delay switch, but he wasn't. He often says things without thinking first, not realizing how they might come off to others. He's gotten better, but is now overly aware of his tendency to do this. That said, yesterday morning we were getting ready, chatting about random things and he looked over at me and said, “Oh, wow. I can see your little pooch. I haven’t really noticed it this much before.” I was preoccupied and didn't respond right away, but could see that he was concerned, "Does that make you upset?" He thought I had taken it all wrong, like he was telling me I was fat. He had already started contemplating how to dig himself out of that hole. I reassured him that I wasn't mad.. and then I laughed. The poor guy can never win.

For those curious about the belly. It's still just a little pooch, not noticeable to most. A few more weeks and I should have something more substantial worthy of being photographed. I'm not a fan of bare belly pics - so you won't be seeing any of those here, but I'll oblige you with some clothed belly.

Beelzebabe

Beelzebabe... that's my new nickname for baby Booth. It's awful really. I'm sure most people imagine a cute little baby mass bobbing around in their tummy. Not me. I imagine something much worse. Cute? Probably. Sweet and innocent? Probably not! I'm sure this kid is already devising a plan to take over the world and make our lives a living you know what in the meantime [enter Sophie's maniacal laugh here]. Everytime I deal with bouts of sickness, I imagine baby Booth laughing at me from the inside. Maybe this stems from the Mom curse. All of those years my Mom said, "Someday you're going to have a kid just like you." And I laughed in disbelief. Curses!

Why is that a bad thing you ask? I was the kid that lied constantly, did not listen to my parents and often figured things out "the hard way". I think I may have even won the title of being the mean/bossy sister. Maybe that just goes with the territory of being the oldest girl...?

There's one scenario (documented in the Miller Family video, now DVD) that Alex likes to recount.. I think I was 6 or so... about a year after this was taken (Awww... little Karen)..


The Scene: A birthday for my ... brother? Mom is lighting candles on the cake.
Mom says something about not wanting to burn her sleeve.
My response: "I hope you do!"
The comment itself isn't what makes it funny. It's the fact that I said it so casually, as if it were something nice. Or the other classic moment. My Mom is in the process of taking a picture of me holding Lynda. Diane comes over to get in the picture and immediately I say, "No! You're ugly in the picture!" ... Not one of my finer moments.

So, maybe I am cursed. And maybe, just maybe I will have a kid just like me... but let's hope not. At least not yet.

Sunday nerves and the weekend review

We had a most excellent weekend.
Friday I got off work early (I love early Fridays!) and was able to enjoy a 2-hour nap without interruption. It was pure bliss. Once Alex got home we hit the road to go to a friend's wedding reception. We used my "awesome" navigating skills to get to the Salem Community Center. Once we retraced our steps back to the main road we were able to find the place, and with ample time to mingle. This place was pretty much in the middle of no man's land, so I don't feel too bad screwing up the directions. Alex visited with some friends from Bellingham (mostly the groom's family) and then we saw the almost newlyweds (they married on Saturday). They had the typical "we'll-be-so-glad-once-this-part-is-over" look. We tried our best to talk them out of the marriage thing, but apparently they're in love or something. : ) Whatever...

Saturday I treated myself to the movie "Australia" while Alex was at work. I loved it in the theater, Alex did not. After recalling this I decided it would be more enjoyable to watch the second time without "the critic" in the room. He said he would watch it with me, but we both know that would have ended badly. So he worked and I watched, and it was perfect. I think I might just make this my new Saturday morning tradition.

That evening we went to the Hale Theatre in Salt Lake to see Phantom. My boss was very generous and gave us season tickets. We get to see a new play every other month - it's great. I always look forward to our play nights, as does Alex since it's one less night he has to come up with a date idea. We both agreed that the actors did an excellent job, but Alex doesn't have much use for the story. It annoys him. (Sorry for the blasphemy, Karen.) I, personally, really enjoyed it.

Sunday marked a momentous occasion - Alex gave a talk in sacrament meeting! I thought he did a really good job. His talks/testimonies of late seem to have less of the dictator/doctrinal feel. Not that he doesn't take time to quote scripture, but he adds more personal effects than he used to. He spoke on Bishop McMullin's talk from the last conference entitled, "God Loves and Helps All of His Children". Before we left the house he was talking about how nervous he was. In an effort to calm his nerves I told him to remember that everyone is the congregation is just happy that they're not the one on the stand. I had forgotten that any time someone is about to give a talk, anything that happens directly prior is fair game to be included in the talk. :) Luckily the congregation got a laugh out of it.

Sunday afternoon we watched a movie I'd love to forget, it was Hallmark's "Five People You Meet in Heaven". All I can say is, I'm not going to make that mistake twice. I kept watching in hopes that the story would improve. It didn't. I felt so cheated. I immediately had to purge and replace it's memory with something better. We watched "The Bachelor" with Chris O'Donnell and Renee Zellweger. That was a cute movie. We liked it, aside from them having to put the F-bomb in there. I guess they really wanted that PG-13 rating. Without it, it would have been PG.

Today the fun ended. We went back to work and school. The drudgery resumed. Such a bummer.

In spite of the Monday blah-ness, here are some cool/uncool things about this Monday in particular...

- As I type this, it's pouring down snow outside.

- I purchased concert tickets to see one of my favorite bands - No Doubt. They've reunited and are going on tour. I've seen them in concert twice. The last time being 10+ years ago with Michele and Shannon (the good old days!). Their concert this year happens to be on May 25th - a paid bank holiday. Bonus!

- I've repeatedly tried to make peace with Baby Booth. All offerings - DENIED! This is one mean baby. I weighed in to see just how mean Baby Booth has been. I've lost 10 pounds since last month, 5 of those in the last week! Normally this would be a good thing, but a). I'm pregnant and b). Experiencing bulimic tendencies is never a cool way to lose weight. At what point are my organs going to shut down?

That's the news. Again, no current pics. Here are a few not-so current, courtesy of my Mom...

Provo in 1972 (taken from Deseret Towers)...


My Mom, her roommates (one of which I was named after) and a pair of super rad 70's pants.


The 'rents on their wedding day. (Before the 6 of us broke them.)


Like mother, like daughter. Who doesn't love to make the pig face?

A Crappy Situation

I was having a really off day today (see previous post). That is, until I got home and checked the mail to find a pleasant surprise - a package from Scott & Liz! At first I thought it might be a certain blue thong, but no. This was better. I opened it immediately and here's what I found:


Here's a close up:


Yes, that would be a diaper with "poop" (yummy snickers poop) in it..

I laughed for a long time. Seriously, this made my day. I was so pleased with this "gift" and couldn't wait to see how Alex would react. As soon as he got home I made him open it (of course while I was ready with camera in hand - sorry the pics are grainy). I prefaced him by saying, "Scott and Liz got us a really nice gift. I'm so excited." He also thought it was the thong... and then:




Is it edible?


He didn't actually try it.

Thank you guys for adding some much needed laughter to my day. I miss you both so much! This brought me back to a similar moment when I was leaving work in Bellingham and came out to my car to find a nasty, blue man thong taped to my windshield. As if it being there weren't enough, my 50+ co-worker drove by, stopped her car, rolled down her window and with a puzzled look asked, "What is that on your windshield?" (Honestly, the look was priceless). Well, it appears to be a nasty man thong. Wild night at my place. Yeah... how do you explain that one?

Or how about the night the man thong appeared in my fridge after family dinner at Mom & Dad Jones house? Gee, how did that get there? If only I would have gotten home 2 minutes sooner. You would have been so busted! Fun times..

Anyway... all I can say is watch out, once I get back to Bellingham, IT'S ON!!

Gratitude... and then the fallout

Yesterday I had the most amazing day. I woke up feeling great. The weather was warm. The sun was out. Everything I ate tasted great and settled. And - *added bonus* - the shred bin was empty at work (it's always a good day when the shred bin is empty). I pretty much felt like my old, unpregnant self. On my way home from work I thought about how much my life has changed over the last couple years - went through a divorce, moved to a new town, went back to church, and remarried. For a brief moment I realized, "Wow, I'm really happy." I often complain about things not going my way, people that annoy me, and everything else under the sun, but for the most part I'm happy with my life. I decided to end this happy day by going to bed early. Maybe it would improve my chances of having another equally awesome day today...? If only it worked out that way.

I got off to a good start. In bed an hour earlier than normal, super cozy and almost asleep... then Alex came to bed. He started talking to me not realizing I was actually mostly asleep. After I bit his head off for waking me up, he realized it. I thought me falling asleep during family prayer would have given him a good idea, but he thought I was "faking it" (funny to me now, not funny at the time). So, I ranted, tossed and turned and spent the rest of the night trying to get the sleep I craved so badly. Don't worry, Alex slept just fine. This morning I woke up lacking the spice for life I had yesterday. I was pukey and super tired. I tried all of my usual tricks to ward of the sickness. No luck. Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back. During breakfast I looked out the window and saw something awful - 4 inches of fresh snow! NOOOOOOoooooooooo! Why?! Yesterday the sun was out. It was warm. I had even convinced myself Spring was here. Why this?! Why now?! From that moment I decided today was going to be a bad day. (Not that my mind couldn't be changed, but this way my expectations are much lower).

So, for anyone reading this, I hope your day today is incredible. I hope you take a minute to think about everything you're thankful for. Think about the people you love. The progress you've made in life and the experiences you have waiting ahead. Try to appreciate the moment while you're having it. Soak it up because tomorrow might not be so good. In fact, it just might suck... (Sorry Mom, I know you hate that word).

It's ALIVE!!

Yup. Today we went to the doctor and got to hear Baby Booth's heartbeat. It was super exciting and totally made my day. Alex enjoyed it too.. but I think more than anything he's enjoyed recreating the sound of the doppler. It's a weird wooshy noise. He's still trying to perfect it.

I'm back on saltines and water after having the most horrendous sickness last night. I managed to purge from every orifice in my body while maintaining a healthy fever. Multi-tasking at its finest. It was super awesome. I feel better today, but I don't trust it enough to eat anything substantial. Dinner consisted of a bowl of Raisin Bran... and maybe a couple of Alex's nachos because they looked totally edible.

Not much else happening in our world right now, so here are a few random things....

* Alex got a call from the Bishop this evening asking if we'd speak during sacrament meeting on Sunday. Alex agreed without hesitation and I gracefully declined. I feel a little bad... but mostly okay with the decision. I'm pretty sure with morning sickness and anxiety something bad would happen. I don't usually make it through things like that without some sort of embarrassing tragedy taking place. Alex, on the other hand, will do great. He'll be picking a talk from the last conference to speak on.

** My brain is no longer functional (thank you pregnancy). On Saturday I was scheduled to go to traffic school for my recent speeding incident. Maybe I didn't mention it before... anyway, I got pulled over on my way to work going 43 in a 25 and got slammed with a $157 ticket - $197 total after adding traffic school fees (to be fair, I was going down a steep hill which would cause anyone to speed excessively who wasn't riding their brakes). I opted for traffic school to avoid getting the points put on my driving record. Well, traffic school came and went and I totally forgot to go. Luckily I was able to reschedule without penalty... but it stinks to know that my brain is no longer reliable.

*** My love for food has been brought to a severe halt. It's sad really. The days of yum are over. So, what am I loving this week in spite of morning sickness... Gatorade, Toast with Jam or Butter, Grilled Cheese (on white bread only, wheat = bad!), and Raisin Bran or Frosted Mini Wheats. I know this list is pretty limited, but it's helped me through the dark days. I've even managed to lose some weight - 5 pounds in a week and a half. Maybe that's the only perk to morning sickness...