Age is just a number...

That's what people say when they're hovering around feelings of uncomfortable oldness. How do I know this? Because I'm there. On Saturday I'll be one year closer to "over the hill" status. I feel like I'm trekking up the age hill at a breakneck pace and I can't do anything to slow it down. How did this happen?? When you're younger, you have lots of ideas (or ideals) about what things will be like when you're older. Things like where you'll live, what your occupation will be, how many kids you'll have and when. So far I'm 0 for 4 on my list.

Here's the reality of what happens when you get older:

1. You get fatter and those body parts you've always hated get bigger and even more hateable. You can't eat a dozen donuts, much less look at a donut without having immediate consequences, usually in the form of a few extra inches in an unflattering place.

2. You get meaner. Sugar coating is just too much work. Hurting people's feelings is the new norm. This method of communication can work if you're dealing with people that like it straight, otherwise you've now become a permanent member on everyone's "crap" list (including your closest friends).

3. You start to see people for who they are instead of who you want them to be.

4. The veggies you thought were so disgusting when you were little are now a favorite side dish. "Can't I just have some green beans, this chocolate is making me sick."

5. All of the "kids" (i.e. anyone younger than you) suddenly seem extremely immature and idiotic. (Except your handsome, young husband)

6. You need 8 hours of sleep. Really. Anything less and all traces of fun are removed from your body and you become quite crotchety.

7. You constantly reminisce about "the good old days". This is before reality set in and you realized your parents worked really hard to make your life comfortable, get food on the table, gas in the car, and a roof over your head. Life sucks.

8. You enjoy just sitting and doing nothing. As a kid, this was the the ultimate anti-fun... but now, it means you're not at work, doing laundry, cleaning or engaging yourself in any other type of laborious activity.

9. Gray Hairs. Not just that one pesky gray hair that might grow back every couple months... but the multitudes of gray hairs that have set up residency along your temples... and their cousins that have migrated to your ears and nose. Or how about the little wrinkle you always thought was a smile wrinkle. Guess what? It's not.

10. You catch yourself saying all of those cautionary adult type phrases you vowed you'd never say. "Don't do that, you're gonna' hurt yourself". "You're not going to waste that, are you?"

That said, there are several things to look forward to with my new, older self. Hopefully soon I'll figure out what those are.

Age.. it really is just a number... a horrible, horrible number.